[He glances over at the contact, though he's quick to look away; he isn't rejecting it, but he doesn't seem to know what to do in response to it either.
Eventually he shakes his head, the gesture tight.]
You don't have to say anything to me. It isn't something I ever intended to tell you; it's something best kept with me. The only reason I'm telling you any of this is because I believe you deserve some sort of closure.
There may not be anything you can say to make it right, but that's because it isn't your transgression to make right in the first place.
No, it's...it's not that I want to make anything right, I....
[Lysandre is only bringing this up - this deeply personal, painful topic - because he wants him to have closure. It stings, in a way that Sycamore can't describe. He moves his hand to the grass, tangling his fingers in the blades.]
....I just wish there was a way I could...I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but I...you....I wish you could feel the way I feel about you, in that...
[This is quickly becoming worse than his Iris rant, at least that one was coherent-]
What I am trying to say, is that now that I know how you truly feel I want to do all I can to...not fix it, but at least give you some kind of happiness. While we're here. Is that...would that be alright? If I tried?
[There are a lot of things he could say to that; in the end, he decides against most of them in favor of saying the thing that's striking him hardest.]
You've never had to try very hard to give me that sort of thing, you know. It's something you've always been rather good at. Genuinely - I'm not just trying to make you feel better about all of this. Because I imagine you'll suspect that's what I'm doing, if you don't accuse me outright.
[He isn't quite able to relax entirely, though; it's...this has been a lot, hasn't it.]
I've been like this for a long time, you know. Hollow like that. Some days are better than others. Some are worse. I don't know if there's a way to change it, at this point.
It's fine if you want to try. But don't be upset with yourself if you can't.
[This has been a lot, alright, but Sycamore would be lying if he said he regretted it. Every time they talk about these topics it's...painful, but for the chance to find out how Lysandre truly feels and thinks? He can endure it.
The goats, do, admittedly help.]
I know, mon ami. I'm not trying to change you, I want to make you happy; not because of some sense of guilt, or because I think I need to make it up to you. Because I've always enjoyed doing so.
[Well, the idea of coffee has visibly perked him up a bit!]
I think we deserve some, after all this. I know I could use the caffeine. So could you, hmm?
[That last line is directed at said new friend, who has woken up from its nap and attempted to crawl off Sycamore's lap (with mixed success, he has to kind of. grab it to stop it faceplanting the grass). Go trot back to your friends, little one.
That new jumper of his has gathered quite a bit of white fluff, so Sycamore will brush both it and his pants down as he stands, stretching afterward.]
This was a lovely idea, though. There's something about this place and these little animals that calms me down.
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no subject
Eventually he shakes his head, the gesture tight.]
You don't have to say anything to me. It isn't something I ever intended to tell you; it's something best kept with me. The only reason I'm telling you any of this is because I believe you deserve some sort of closure.
There may not be anything you can say to make it right, but that's because it isn't your transgression to make right in the first place.
no subject
[Lysandre is only bringing this up - this deeply personal, painful topic - because he wants him to have closure. It stings, in a way that Sycamore can't describe. He moves his hand to the grass, tangling his fingers in the blades.]
....I just wish there was a way I could...I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but I...you....I wish you could feel the way I feel about you, in that...
[This is quickly becoming worse than his Iris rant, at least that one was coherent-]
What I am trying to say, is that now that I know how you truly feel I want to do all I can to...not fix it, but at least give you some kind of happiness. While we're here. Is that...would that be alright? If I tried?
no subject
You've never had to try very hard to give me that sort of thing, you know. It's something you've always been rather good at. Genuinely - I'm not just trying to make you feel better about all of this. Because I imagine you'll suspect that's what I'm doing, if you don't accuse me outright.
no subject
[To his credit, that does get him to release a quick laugh.]
I'm glad you've saved me the accusation. But I meant what I said, Lysandre.
[He'll even attempt some eye contact.]
If you think telling me any of this has made me want to avoid you, you're wrong. I'm afraid you're even more stuck with me, now.
no subject
[He isn't quite able to relax entirely, though; it's...this has been a lot, hasn't it.]
I've been like this for a long time, you know. Hollow like that. Some days are better than others. Some are worse. I don't know if there's a way to change it, at this point.
It's fine if you want to try. But don't be upset with yourself if you can't.
no subject
The goats, do, admittedly help.]
I know, mon ami. I'm not trying to change you, I want to make you happy; not because of some sense of guilt, or because I think I need to make it up to you. Because I've always enjoyed doing so.
[Have a smile, alright.]
Call me selfish, I suppose.
no subject
Then it really is fortunate that you didn't buy coffee ahead of time; you know I like doing that.
We should get some, whenever you can bring yourself to make your new friend move.
no subject
I think we deserve some, after all this. I know I could use the caffeine. So could you, hmm?
[That last line is directed at said new friend, who has woken up from its nap and attempted to crawl off Sycamore's lap (with mixed success, he has to kind of. grab it to stop it faceplanting the grass). Go trot back to your friends, little one.
That new jumper of his has gathered quite a bit of white fluff, so Sycamore will brush both it and his pants down as he stands, stretching afterward.]
This was a lovely idea, though. There's something about this place and these little animals that calms me down.