If I minded that much, you would know. As it is, I just don't always agree with the impulse purchases; it would just be strange if you changed anything else at this point.
[At least the goats don't seem to want to eat this shirt, versus his lab coat...it was a good idea to leave it behind! Especially since he's now got two of them fighting over Prime Patting Position in his lap.
Well. Regardless of the goat arguments, that comment earns another laugh, but it's soft.]
I had a feeling that would be the case. I'm glad you endure my unique taste, Lysandre. I'll gladly let you be the pretty one out of the two of us!
[Hopefully it isn't eating your suit, but he knows you're wearing the...the suit that can be acceptably nibbled on, so...]
Ah, it was fine! I think it was rather good that I had the Exalted experience to compare to. The regular Iris period doesn't feel all that troublesome, in comparison.
[Hang on, give him a moment to play with his Holocaster.]
I was going to send you this during the triple moon, but any conversation would have turned rather unintelligible quickly. Here.
[Your Holocaster will promptly vibrate, with a picture message; it's a (rather nicely framed, if he does say so himself) selfie of Sycamore, winking into the camera and showing off a pair of black-tipped ears.]
A bit nicer than the tentacles, no? Also came with a cute tail.
...no, I can only imagine that it's...well. Hard to deal with.
[He can empathise; the first few months here, during Iris, were a special sort of hell. Frowning slightly, Sycamore runs a hand down the back of the goat that managed to win the fight for his lap.]
I'm still opening to working our way towards being together during the blessings, you know. That includes Sanguis. You might find with me around, you don't feel so...angry.
[...]
I have Charizard. You don't have to fear hurting me.
I'm not entirely opposed to working towards that, but I want to have better control over it on my own as well. It's not even anger most of the time, so much as just a...desire to harm as many people as possible. That isn't something that I know I'm willing to talk about in person, should that become necessary.
...you don't have to talk about it during Sanguis, mon cheri. I'm just happy to distract you.
[Look, just...have a (goat-free, he promises) hand against your cheek, all right.]
I...
[....oof, okay, we're here, the goats are present, we can...talk about this...]
...I know it can't be easy for you, being here. In many ways. If you need support, or if you just want to have your mind taken off those topics, I'm always available. You only have to say.
[It takes him a moment to respond to that; it would be so easy to brush it off, to find a way to change the subject or even just divert from the current topic, but...]
It's difficult at times, yes, but I still don't regret being here.
[He does want that much to be clear; that said, the contact is nice.]
There are a few things that I've been meaning to ask you about, but I know neither of us are going to like the discussions that follow.
...It's about what happened afterwards. After...the Geosenge base, and what happened there.
[He takes a moment; it's something he would really prefer to not get emotional about, if he can avoid it, but it takes a bit to get the feelings to settle.]
I assume, from what you've told me, that the young trainers of yours who came to stop me were all right, in the end. I know you've mentioned speaking to one of them, at least... It's good to know that she wasn't- ...That nothing happened to her.
However, I'm concerned for my Pokémon, and for the rest of Team Flare. I don't expect you to know many details about the latter, but if you know about my Pokémon at least, I would like to know.
[....ah. He can't say he's too surprised to hear this is the topic, but that doesn't make it any easier to digest. Sycamore similarly needs a moment to gather both his emotions and his thoughts, but when he does speak, his voice is even.]
I took custody of your Pokémon; they live with the others in my laboratory gardens. Nobody - including them - was injured in the collapse.
[The 'just you' sits in the air, despite not being verbalised, and it sends a nasty chill down Sycamore's spine despite the fact that Lysandre is sitting alive and well next to him. Even now, it's hard to stop the reaction.]
Pyroar likes to sit under my desk, sometimes. Other times he tends to want to be by himself. The others are similar; they like to interact with the other Pokémon, but they also have moments where they either want to be alone, or with the others from your team. Speaking of which...Team Flare has disbanded. I'm not sure what the individual members are doing, but I know that...
[...of all the things to choke up on, this is the one? Give him a moment.]
[He listens to all that, keeping his focus with the goats and not looking at Sycamore throughout; he nods occasionally, the gesture tight - the answer about his Pokémon is honestly what he would have expected, and perhaps more to the point, it's what he would have wanted.
It's only at that pause, the mention of the café, that he glances over; even then, it's brief before he averts his gaze again. He isn't entirely sure what to say - what can you say, really, to something like this - but after a moment, he manages something, at least.]
...All right. I... Thank you. For telling me all of that.
[The words, too, are tightly controlled. Measured, in a way they usually aren't; he feels incredibly tense, in a way that he's not used to.]
I don't know how much they remember here. How aware they are of what happened. I do try to spend as much time with them as I can; I want them to know that it wasn't their fault. There was a battle before the incident, in which we were defeated. I don't want them to think that they were at all responsible for anything that happened.
Thank you for taking care of them, back in Kalos. I...would have wanted it that way, honestly.
[He's similarly keeping his focus on the goats, refusing to look up; mainly because he's concerned he'll fall to pieces if he does. God, this topic is so miserable, but...he hasn't forgotten (could never forget) the way Lysandre had been seeking to give him closure, with the assumption that he would one day be discarded. The pure selflessness hurt, in a way that was both sweet and agonising, and Sycamore had promised himself that he would do whatever he could to return the favour. No matter how much the conversation drained him emotionally.]
They miss you. We all know that it isn't our fault, logically, but it doesn't stop us blaming ourselves. That's just...how it is, when you care deeply about someone. The...
[...]
...the...grief, it...makes you irrational. You're so desperate to see the person again, it's almost...comforting, in a way, to fantasise about how you could have stopped it happening. How you could have changed things, regardless of how little influence you truly had on the process.
[......that's...]
...I'm sorry. That was a thoughtless thing to say. You don't have to thank me for looking after the Pokémon - it's my pleasure. They're all wonderful.
[Their presence makes it both easier, and harder; they're both a comfort, and a sign of everything that's been lost. But he doesn't need to add that; he's said too much already.]
[It's easier to assert that, as opposed to anything else that's been said so far; as far as he's concerned, it's entirely true.]
I'm not one to begrudge others their feelings, you know that. If it's something that's been on your mind, you don't have to hold yourself back; I want to hear it.
[The goats really are precious little things, aren't they.]
[Precious, adorable, the cutest things he's ever seen...all the more reason to keep looking at them. It feels...cowardly, really, but at least it's making it possible to get through all this emotional clutter.
...]
...of course you can. You can tell me anything. I want you to feel like you can tell me whatever is on your mind, Lysandre.
[-said emphatically to the goat currently sleeping in his lap, but...well, it's the thought that counts.]
...I don't know if it will help you to hear it; if it's something you already knew, or if it's something you just don't want to consider. I don't fault you, in that latter case.
But I find it...important, I suppose, to tell you that there wasn't any suffering after what happened.
[It's something he's said to others here; it's decidedly more difficult to actually say it to Sycamore personally.]
To be honest, I don't remember the moments leading up to the collapse very well; they're hazy. I remember doing what I ultimately did, and then there just isn't anything.
But I wasn't afraid, or in any sort of pain; it was over quickly, and I didn't suffer in any way.
[That is both difficult to hear and yet...freeing, somehow, and Sycamore releases the breath he didn't realise he was holding.]
...it's...I had thought about, but never when I was in a good place. So thank you, for telling me.
[He falls silent again, continuing to look down at the goat but not really seeing it.]
Something that brought me comfort was..
[...]
...was knowing that you were at peace, after it all. No longer in pain. It's why I've been....worried, since you arrived here. Elated, of course - obviously! - but feeling selfish at the same time. As if my desire to have you here somehow made it manifest, and now you're no longer...
[...it's hard to say, but....if they're going deep, there isn't much deeper than this.]
...well, you're...forced back into it, but worse, because of Sanguis. Suffering privately, but putting on a brave face for me. Because you don't want me to worry.
[...This is definitely a conversation they needed to have here; somehow the goats tend to make this at least vaguely easier, as opposed to the amount of standing up and pacing around and fidgeting they would surely be doing by now.]
I don't ever let myself consider whether I regret what I did or not, or whether I would choose to change the outcome if I were given the chance to do so. Considering that... It would mean that I would have to live with whatever conclusion I came to for as long as I'm here, and there's no possible positive outcome in the long term. So I don't let myself think about it.
But I will say that I prefer being here with you as opposed to "at peace" and not getting to experience this at all. Being here is worth whatever Sanguis does to me. I do mean that much.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If I minded that much, you would know. As it is, I just don't always agree with the impulse purchases; it would just be strange if you changed anything else at this point.
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Well. Regardless of the goat arguments, that comment earns another laugh, but it's soft.]
I had a feeling that would be the case. I'm glad you endure my unique taste, Lysandre. I'll gladly let you be the pretty one out of the two of us!
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[We're both pretty? Obviously.]
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I should have expected that, and yet...
[Yes yes, you got him...but he's flattered. We can both be pretty, that is definitely acceptable.]
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[Just...let him pet the goat he's got climbing on him for a moment.]
You seem well, I assume the past few days haven't been completely horrid?
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Ah, it was fine! I think it was rather good that I had the Exalted experience to compare to. The regular Iris period doesn't feel all that troublesome, in comparison.
[Hang on, give him a moment to play with his Holocaster.]
I was going to send you this during the triple moon, but any conversation would have turned rather unintelligible quickly. Here.
[Your Holocaster will promptly vibrate, with a picture message; it's a (rather nicely framed, if he does say so himself) selfie of Sycamore, winking into the camera and showing off a pair of black-tipped ears.]
A bit nicer than the tentacles, no? Also came with a cute tail.
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[He'll be checking that, though; oh, that's...]
That is rather precious, though, mon cheri; very cute.
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I thought you'd like it! Maybe I'll let you see them in person, next month.
[...as if he's actually not going to allow you to see them in person, next month, but you know. If the tentacles come back, so help him...........
....also, he noted that comment about how you handled the triple moon.]
What about you? Still the koi scales?
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The emotional effects were still greatly unpleasant, however.
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Did you want to talk about them, mon cheri? I know how upset you were at the beginning of the month.
[...you know, where you refused to even let him see a picture of you...]
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[You know, the sort of thing that led to "kill everyone" as a viable solution.]
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[He can empathise; the first few months here, during Iris, were a special sort of hell. Frowning slightly, Sycamore runs a hand down the back of the goat that managed to win the fight for his lap.]
I'm still opening to working our way towards being together during the blessings, you know. That includes Sanguis. You might find with me around, you don't feel so...angry.
[...]
I have Charizard. You don't have to fear hurting me.
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[Look, just...have a (goat-free, he promises) hand against your cheek, all right.]
I...
[....oof, okay, we're here, the goats are present, we can...talk about this...]
...I know it can't be easy for you, being here. In many ways. If you need support, or if you just want to have your mind taken off those topics, I'm always available. You only have to say.
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It's difficult at times, yes, but I still don't regret being here.
[He does want that much to be clear; that said, the contact is nice.]
There are a few things that I've been meaning to ask you about, but I know neither of us are going to like the discussions that follow.
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It's all right. That's why we're here, isn't it?
[As much as he'd rather be exchanging sexy selfies, they can save that for later. For now...
...he sighs, but nods.]
Ask me whatever you would like, Lysandre. I know we can get through it together.
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[He takes a moment; it's something he would really prefer to not get emotional about, if he can avoid it, but it takes a bit to get the feelings to settle.]
I assume, from what you've told me, that the young trainers of yours who came to stop me were all right, in the end. I know you've mentioned speaking to one of them, at least... It's good to know that she wasn't- ...That nothing happened to her.
However, I'm concerned for my Pokémon, and for the rest of Team Flare. I don't expect you to know many details about the latter, but if you know about my Pokémon at least, I would like to know.
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I took custody of your Pokémon; they live with the others in my laboratory gardens. Nobody - including them - was injured in the collapse.
[The 'just you' sits in the air, despite not being verbalised, and it sends a nasty chill down Sycamore's spine despite the fact that Lysandre is sitting alive and well next to him. Even now, it's hard to stop the reaction.]
Pyroar likes to sit under my desk, sometimes. Other times he tends to want to be by himself. The others are similar; they like to interact with the other Pokémon, but they also have moments where they either want to be alone, or with the others from your team. Speaking of which...Team Flare has disbanded. I'm not sure what the individual members are doing, but I know that...
[...of all the things to choke up on, this is the one? Give him a moment.]
...your café, it's empty now. No one goes there.
[Except me, sometimes.]
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It's only at that pause, the mention of the café, that he glances over; even then, it's brief before he averts his gaze again. He isn't entirely sure what to say - what can you say, really, to something like this - but after a moment, he manages something, at least.]
...All right. I... Thank you. For telling me all of that.
[The words, too, are tightly controlled. Measured, in a way they usually aren't; he feels incredibly tense, in a way that he's not used to.]
I don't know how much they remember here. How aware they are of what happened. I do try to spend as much time with them as I can; I want them to know that it wasn't their fault. There was a battle before the incident, in which we were defeated. I don't want them to think that they were at all responsible for anything that happened.
Thank you for taking care of them, back in Kalos. I...would have wanted it that way, honestly.
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[He's similarly keeping his focus on the goats, refusing to look up; mainly because he's concerned he'll fall to pieces if he does. God, this topic is so miserable, but...he hasn't forgotten (could never forget) the way Lysandre had been seeking to give him closure, with the assumption that he would one day be discarded. The pure selflessness hurt, in a way that was both sweet and agonising, and Sycamore had promised himself that he would do whatever he could to return the favour. No matter how much the conversation drained him emotionally.]
They miss you. We all know that it isn't our fault, logically, but it doesn't stop us blaming ourselves. That's just...how it is, when you care deeply about someone. The...
[...]
...the...grief, it...makes you irrational. You're so desperate to see the person again, it's almost...comforting, in a way, to fantasise about how you could have stopped it happening. How you could have changed things, regardless of how little influence you truly had on the process.
[......that's...]
...I'm sorry. That was a thoughtless thing to say. You don't have to thank me for looking after the Pokémon - it's my pleasure. They're all wonderful.
[Their presence makes it both easier, and harder; they're both a comfort, and a sign of everything that's been lost. But he doesn't need to add that; he's said too much already.]
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[It's easier to assert that, as opposed to anything else that's been said so far; as far as he's concerned, it's entirely true.]
I'm not one to begrudge others their feelings, you know that. If it's something that's been on your mind, you don't have to hold yourself back; I want to hear it.
[The goats really are precious little things, aren't they.]
Can I tell you something? About what happened.
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...]
...of course you can. You can tell me anything. I want you to feel like you can tell me whatever is on your mind, Lysandre.
[-said emphatically to the goat currently sleeping in his lap, but...well, it's the thought that counts.]
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But I find it...important, I suppose, to tell you that there wasn't any suffering after what happened.
[It's something he's said to others here; it's decidedly more difficult to actually say it to Sycamore personally.]
To be honest, I don't remember the moments leading up to the collapse very well; they're hazy. I remember doing what I ultimately did, and then there just isn't anything.
But I wasn't afraid, or in any sort of pain; it was over quickly, and I didn't suffer in any way.
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...it's...I had thought about, but never when I was in a good place. So thank you, for telling me.
[He falls silent again, continuing to look down at the goat but not really seeing it.]
Something that brought me comfort was..
[...]
...was knowing that you were at peace, after it all. No longer in pain. It's why I've been....worried, since you arrived here. Elated, of course - obviously! - but feeling selfish at the same time. As if my desire to have you here somehow made it manifest, and now you're no longer...
[...it's hard to say, but....if they're going deep, there isn't much deeper than this.]
...well, you're...forced back into it, but worse, because of Sanguis. Suffering privately, but putting on a brave face for me. Because you don't want me to worry.
[...]
...I know it's something you would do, so.
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[...This is definitely a conversation they needed to have here; somehow the goats tend to make this at least vaguely easier, as opposed to the amount of standing up and pacing around and fidgeting they would surely be doing by now.]
I don't ever let myself consider whether I regret what I did or not, or whether I would choose to change the outcome if I were given the chance to do so. Considering that... It would mean that I would have to live with whatever conclusion I came to for as long as I'm here, and there's no possible positive outcome in the long term. So I don't let myself think about it.
But I will say that I prefer being here with you as opposed to "at peace" and not getting to experience this at all. Being here is worth whatever Sanguis does to me. I do mean that much.
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