[...don't do that, he's never going to look up from the goat at this rate-]
I know, I'm just...I don't...
[......]
...there are some things I would prefer to keep to myself, and Iris drags them to the surface and intensifies them infinitely. That's all. But it's fine, Lysandre, really.
...I think there are some things we need to discuss. About...what happened, and how you're handling it. I'm not about to criticize how you choose to manage such things, but I know better than to think that it's something you're taking well.
You know it's important to me to help people. If my presence here helps you, then I won't argue it, though I'm still not sure why it would. Seeking closure would be one thing, but all of this is something else entirely.
[Sycamore is content to pat his goat for a moment, running his fingers down its back. That's...quite a statement, isn't it? But it's a fair one.
....
...this is a lot more than just closure.]
...you mean too much to me for me to just...
[...words. Why are the words always so difficult-]
...to just forget everything, after what happened. Perhaps I'm a fool, I don't know. But I love having you here and I love spending time with you again and...
[...alright, that's enough, time for...more goat pats.]
It's difficult to say how successful you would have been. But it was...necessary that everything continue as I had planned. Either you would have stopped me or you would have proven a hindrance; I couldn't risk either.
[He'll laugh again, but it's still very much on the quiet side. This is...quite an intense topic, so he's pleasantly surprised they're handling it so well.
...the goats are very powerful, apparently.
...]
I don't hate you for it, by the way. For what you tried to do. I know you're going to say you could tell, or you know, but...it's important for me to vocalise it.
I hated you, Lysandre. I hated that you threw away all of your potential, I hated that you considered your plans to be an appropriate method of dealing with things, but most of all I hated that you left me without so much as an explanation.
[It's frustrating, how easily the words start to fall out once he begins.]
But I grew tired of hating you; it was easy, and the perfect way for me to mask how I truly felt - which was devastated. So I made the choice - before I arrived here - to forgive you. It allowed me to let go of the hatred, but the devastation never truly left. I just buried it.
[....]
...I want to say I'm sorry, but I need to...stop doing that. This is what we should be talking about, isn't it...?
[The goats really are convenient little things. Easy to focus on.]
My plans were all I had left, by the end of things. There were no other options, there was no other potential for me to throw away. There was just the weapon, the one means I had left, and in the end I couldn't even accomplish that much.
...If I were a kind person, I wouldn't have considered it at all.
[He doesn't sound angry, exactly. But there's something else underneath it, some strong emotion that's a bit more difficult to track.]
It's not a decision I made rashly, nor is it one I made lightly. If I were to have had difficulties after the fact, kindness would have had little to do with it.
I said you're kind, not that you weren't...misguided. I don't really know how else to phrase it.
[Sycamore has also been doing a surprisingly good (to him, at least) job of keeping his own emotions in check, but he can hear that strong emotion in Lysandre's voice and it...
...well.]
Something happened to you, didn't it? To make you this way. I don't understand how else there could be such a disconnect between how you see yourself, and how I and countless others do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...I think that one is particularly fond of you.
[GOATS.]
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...I meant what I said, you know. About not thinking less of you.
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I know, I'm just...I don't...
[......]
...there are some things I would prefer to keep to myself, and Iris drags them to the surface and intensifies them infinitely. That's all. But it's fine, Lysandre, really.
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...I think there are some things we need to discuss. About...what happened, and how you're handling it. I'm not about to criticize how you choose to manage such things, but I know better than to think that it's something you're taking well.
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[Hang on, just let him grab this little goat and put it on his lap, so he has something to keep his hands occupied.]
But I want to make it clear that having you here helps. A lot.
[....oh, wait, hang on, dammit-]
-I'm doing it, aren't I, making you being here all about me - I'm sorry. That's...it's not what I meant.
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[It's okay, Augustine, for god's sake. Breathe.]
You know it's important to me to help people. If my presence here helps you, then I won't argue it, though I'm still not sure why it would. Seeking closure would be one thing, but all of this is something else entirely.
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....
...this is a lot more than just closure.]
...you mean too much to me for me to just...
[...words. Why are the words always so difficult-]
...to just forget everything, after what happened. Perhaps I'm a fool, I don't know. But I love having you here and I love spending time with you again and...
[...alright, that's enough, time for...more goat pats.]
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[It's said evenly, calmly, but unlike during Sanguis, there's no undercurrent of aggression. It simply is.]
It took some time before I could listen to them. But eventually I did.
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I honestly can't remember how many I left you.
[Just a statement of fact, nothing more. There were...many, many attempts to get in contact, that day.
...]
...what did you think, after you listened to them?
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[It isn't answering the question, but...]
Nothing that happened was your fault, you know.
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I know, mon ami. You've made that quite clear. Emotions just don't tend to be rational, that's all, despite my best efforts.
[And that's without Iris making everything hellish...]
Can I ask you a question? It's....probably not going to be an easy one, but I want to know if I've got the right answer.
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[He can't guarantee that he'll answer, or that he'll answer well, but he'll at least hear it.]
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Why did you never tell me about Team Flare, and your plan?
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Of course not. I would have done anything in my power to convince you to stop.
[...he'll even look up from the goat, with a small smile.]
That was what I thought, by the way. I've had a bit of time to puzzle it out.
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It's difficult to say how successful you would have been. But it was...necessary that everything continue as I had planned. Either you would have stopped me or you would have proven a hindrance; I couldn't risk either.
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[He'll laugh again, but it's still very much on the quiet side. This is...quite an intense topic, so he's pleasantly surprised they're handling it so well.
...the goats are very powerful, apparently.
...]
I don't hate you for it, by the way. For what you tried to do. I know you're going to say you could tell, or you know, but...it's important for me to vocalise it.
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[Again, it's calm, but it's...incredibly blunt.]
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[Similarly calm, similarly blunt.]
I hated you, Lysandre. I hated that you threw away all of your potential, I hated that you considered your plans to be an appropriate method of dealing with things, but most of all I hated that you left me without so much as an explanation.
[It's frustrating, how easily the words start to fall out once he begins.]
But I grew tired of hating you; it was easy, and the perfect way for me to mask how I truly felt - which was devastated. So I made the choice - before I arrived here - to forgive you. It allowed me to let go of the hatred, but the devastation never truly left. I just buried it.
[....]
...I want to say I'm sorry, but I need to...stop doing that. This is what we should be talking about, isn't it...?
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[The goats really are convenient little things. Easy to focus on.]
My plans were all I had left, by the end of things. There were no other options, there was no other potential for me to throw away. There was just the weapon, the one means I had left, and in the end I couldn't even accomplish that much.
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Would you have been happy, then, mon ami? If you had managed to fire it.
If you'd obtained your beautiful world.
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[His goat is now fast asleep and absolutely adorable, hence why he's focusing on it. That's definitely the reason.]
I think it would have left you devastated too, in the end. You're far too kind to comfortably have that much blood on your hands.
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[He doesn't sound angry, exactly. But there's something else underneath it, some strong emotion that's a bit more difficult to track.]
It's not a decision I made rashly, nor is it one I made lightly. If I were to have had difficulties after the fact, kindness would have had little to do with it.
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[Sycamore has also been doing a surprisingly good (to him, at least) job of keeping his own emotions in check, but he can hear that strong emotion in Lysandre's voice and it...
...well.]
Something happened to you, didn't it? To make you this way. I don't understand how else there could be such a disconnect between how you see yourself, and how I and countless others do.
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